No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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