i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
