how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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