He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just pee around me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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