Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
