addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
