nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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