K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
