haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
