shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
