I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
