we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
