I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
