Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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