When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
