I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
