When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
false alarm. still invincible.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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