you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
