Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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