it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
