How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
