Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
