that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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