Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
