apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
