thus making me awesome and them whores
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
