uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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