If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
