He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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