the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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