You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
