could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
