happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
