You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
