he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
