My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
