dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
