no, he came in my armpit
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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