If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
