I need help removing her.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
