i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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