I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize