booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
