so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
