the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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