ya dads aren't the best wingmen
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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