She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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