i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
