You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
