Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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