you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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