I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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