Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
that is very illegal...i love you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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