and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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