Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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