God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
